Attitudes to Change

Slowing Down Out of Work

Attitudes to Other People

It is important when you are trying to improve the quality of relationships that you understand the difference between managing them and exploiting them. When you manage a relationship you are improving it for mutual advantage. When you exploit a relationship you are improving your results at the expense of the other person. If you exploit other people, then you will probably get a reputation for this and suffer in the medium and long term. It will also cultivate an unnecessarily cynical attitude to other people.

The following are important factors in forming harmonious relationships with other people:

• Take a positive approach:
  People enjoy working with and relating to happy, optimistic people. When things are getting difficult, a smile or positive approach to a problem can make the difference between success and failure of a project.
• Project a positive image:
  Take care over personal grooming. Wear good quality, well cared for clothes that project a suitable image. Learn about body language, and learn how to adopt a good, open posture.
• Be assertive:
  When you deal with other people, you should confidently project your right to have your views taken into consideration. This does not mean aggressively insisting on getting your own way, which irritates other people and tramples on their rights. If you are not assertive then you will probably not be noticed, your triumphs will not be given their due weight and your needs will not be given proper attention.
• Pay compliments where they are due:
  If you notice something good about someone, or they have done something well, compliment them. This costs you nothing, and helps to build their confidence. It is obviously important to be sincere - no-one likes an obvious flatterer.
• Try to leave people pleased to have spoken to you:
  This can be an extremely useful maxim, providing that you do not allow other people to exploit you as a result. When you are dealing with well-adjusted human-beings, the more you give, the more you get.

Sometimes things can go wrong. Some people are not intelligent in the way they conduct relationships. Where you face relationship problems, your attitude will often determine the amount of stress you experience:

• If someone is sarcastic and rude to you:
  remember that this is probably caused by a fault in their character. They are probably irritating and offending many other people as well. Examine any comment rationally: if it is unfair, then reject it. If rude comments are fair, then learn from them. Do remember, though that one person's vice may be another person's virtue: what seems stubborn to one person may seem firm-minded to another.
• If someone hurts you:
  do not bear grudges. If you do, you will tend to churn them over in your mind. This will damage your vital positive attitude to life, may cause stress and may interfere with the quality of your sleep. Forgiveness is important in maintaining relationships that are important, providing that the forgiveness is genuine. You may decide, however, not to forget the fact of the hurt - it makes sense to confront, avoid or circumvent people who are unnecessarily hurtful.
• If you are facing a frustrating situation:
  where unnecessary obstacles are put in your way, or people you are dealing with are being indecisive or unhelpful, then using relaxation techniques can be useful. This helps you to remain calm with people.
• If someone is annoying you:
  it is almost always best to remain calm and neutral, if only because you will be able to think and react more clearly and effectively.